With whom are we supposed to keep up?

There's a commercial on in New York right now advertising a casino in New Jersey. It's a scripted scenario about the Jones and Smith families, and its pronunciation of Jones bugs me.

They just say "the Jones."

My inclination is to say Joneses, as that's technically the plural — and that's how we say it when we talk about keeping up with them. Whether to cap the The, however, is something I'm not prepared to answer (but I lean toward keeping it down).

My mom called the other day asking how to punctuate an invitation for a party given by several families, and it forced me toward a most inconvenient use of this "rule" for pluralizing surnames.

The culprits? We'll call them the Wilson-Tate family.

There was just no good way to do this. I mean, "Hosted by The Smiths, The Connors and The Wilson-Tateses"? See, this is why I'm not a feminist. Just take his name, woman!

It's tricky, and it can happen to any family, hyphenated or no. For example, The Rogerses just looks weird. And what do seasoned j-nalists do when this happens? That's right, kids. Write around it!

"Hosted by The Smith, Connor and Wilson-Tate families."

And SCENE.

He did not have an answer for that woman

Bill Clinton was on Oprah yesterday, and she asked him just what I've been dying to know: What's he gonna be called if his wife wins in '08? "There's no precedent," he said — which is true.

The way I see it, here are the possibilities:

1) President Clinton and her husband, former President Bill Clinton.
2) The president and the First Gentleman.
3) Captain Clinton and her first mate.
4) Miss Hilly and Slick Willy.
5) President Clinton Part Deux: Bizzack in the Whizzle Hizzle.

He joked to Oprah that his Scottish friends think he should be "First Laddy." My first thought? The massive potential for a hed bust. Spellchecker won't catch an omission of the second 'd.'

I mean, that's just kindling.

D.E.A.R. time drama

Dude, remember D.E.A.R. time? Drop Everything And Read?

I have a distinct memory of one D.E.A.R. time, where I was probably reading a Ramona*, The Boxcar Children or The Babysitters Club — when I came upon a quirky word I didn't know.

The sentence was something like, " 'C'mon!' she shouted."

So I go up to ask the teacher what this whole c'mon deal was about, and, because she was a good teacher, she challenged me to "sound it out." I clearly recall pronouncing it SEMEN — which didn't matter, because I didn't know that word either.

"kuh-MAHN," she corrected. "It's short for come on. But good try, Sarah."

I have to wonder if she still tells that story in the faculty break room. Mrs. Harris, have mercy on a girl.

*I would have linked to the author's site, but I just ... can't. It's done in (wait for it) ... Comic Sans.

East Coast irony

Help me

Y'all, I'm in an ethical grammar jam.

Over the past, well ... forever, I've had a friend who uses your when it should be you're — just like, oh, approx. 97 million other native speakers.

In the interest of protecting identity, I don't want to go into how I know this ... but I know he or she will inevitably impart this incorrect usage to a sizable group of impressionable people and/or become embarrassed in the misuse of these words in the near future.

I've never said anything, but I'm feeling conflicted now. [cue Dennis Hopper "Speed" voice]

What do you do?